The Power Of Words...

Chapter Twenty

Kily walked through the pasture carrying a bucket of grain under her arm. Dang horses she muttered. They always had to make her chase them for half an hour before they would finally stop teasing and let themselves be caught. Star Thistle tugged on her jeans and left pointy thorns sticking in her pant legs. Kily walked slowly because she knew she would only get to the other end where the horses were grazing and have to turn around and walk back again. She saw the mare lift her head off in the distance and look her way. The mare would let Kily get within a few feet of her and then would bolt for the opposite end of the pasture forcing Kily to walk all the way back towards the house. Kily hitched the lead rope higher up on her shoulder and sighed. Freckles trotted along at her side sometimes his nose would catch the scent of some irresistible smell and he would wander far away with his nose to ground.

Kily finally made her way to the end of the pasture and the mare lifted her head to acknowledge Kily’s presence. She put her nose back to the ground and continued munching as she took a tentative step forward. Kily could see that the mare kept her eyes focused on her and was preparing to pivot around and bolt away. Kily spoke softly to the mare and slowed her pace rattling the grain bucket. The mare lifted her head and continued chewing on the mouthful of grass. "Easy now", Kily said softly. She offered the bucket to the mare as a peace offering and the mare stuck her nose in the bucket. Kily held the bucket with one hand and slowly used the other to take the lead rope from her shoulder. When the lead rope came off of her shoulder the mare jerked her head away, pivoted away from Kily and took off for the opposite end of the pasture just as she had done on numerous other occasions. Kily threw the lead rope on the ground and sat down in the tall grass. She absently picked a long blade of grass and began to chew on it. She did not feel like chasing the mare today. The mare stopped running half way down the pasture and turned her body in Kily’s direction. With head held high the mare gave a long high pitched neigh as if beckoning Kily to come and chase her. Kily watched the mare but did not get up. After a few moments the mare began grazing where she stood but kept her eye on Kily. "I’m not going to chase you today," Kily said stubbornly. Kily and the mare held a long distance stare off, but Kily refused to budge. "I’m not chasing you," she finally yelled out. The mare lifted her head as if waiting to see if Kily would really just keep sitting there. "You can come to me you stubborn mule," Kily said as she rattled the grain bucket once more. "See, I have all the grain and you don’t," Kily told the mare. Freckles bounced around her in circles and Kily played with him. After a few moments she stopped to look around and see if step father was anywhere near, then realized she didn’t have to do that anymore. Even though it had been over a month since step father had been captured, Kily found that she still did things out of habit. She noticed that mother and Selene did them too. They had all lived in fear and silence for so long, none of them really knew what to do next. Kily realized that her whole world had been based on remaining silent, holding in secrets, and living in fear. She had made excuses for so long that she was having a very hard time trying to figure out what to do next. Trying to figure out how to live like everybody else sometimes seemed an impossible task.

Kily leaned back into the grass and thought about the girls at school who had made so many attempts to get her to come to their slumber parties or just hang out. She was now free to do all of those things, well as free as getting permission from mother to do them anyway. At school she found herself approaching those same girls, and made several attempts to strike up a conversation. Not knowing what the best way was to let them know that she was no longer chained to a world of secrets, Kily insinuated that she was available now to go to anything that might be happening. The girls seemed polite but made no offers. However, they did make excuses as to why they were to busy, and promptly hurried away to classes. Kily made several attempts at becoming their friend but was politely given the cold shoulder. Rejected, Kily returned to the group of "hoods" and accepted their detached friendship. Kily was lost in her thoughts when she felt the tugging on the grain bucket. She turned her head to see that the mare was standing next to her bumping the bucket so Kily would let her eat. "So, you finally decided to come to me this time," Kily said sarcastically. The mare bumped the bucket with her nose once more and Kily stood up. She held the bucket away from the mare until she had secured the lead rope around her neck. Kily smiled and patted the mare on her shoulder then put the bucket in front of her so she could finish off the sweet grain. "Hmpf", Kily said to herself. "I didn’t think that would work".

With the absence of step fathers influence in her life, Kily found herself confused on how to make friends and transform into the other world people lived in. Kily found herself rebelling against any authority. She thought she was being very brave the day she decided to say "No" to mother. Naturally, mother was obligated to follow through on her discipline of Kily for being so defiant. Mother had told Kily she could not go down town and in fact was restricted to her room. Much yelling ensued, Kily gathered her courage and as she had heard so long ago, she told mother she was going anyway. Mother was astounded at Kily’s behavior and threatened to whip her. Kily trembled as she remembered the whippings she had gotten from step father but stood her ground determinedly. A battle ensued and mother retrieved one of step father’s leather belts from the closet where his clothes still hung. Mother whipped Kily with the belt and Kily ran for the bathroom and locked the door. Tears filled Kily’s eyes and she leaned against the door as mother demanded she open it. Kily was panicked. The words she had heard spoken from one of the hoods flooded her mind, "I just tell my ol’ man to shove it and leave anyway". "Okay", she sniffed and wiped her cheeks. Kily looked at the bathroom window, opened it and climbed out. The night was very dark and Kily felt afraid. Mother’s pounding on the door sent Kily into action and she began to run. As Kily ran down the road away from the house she was so scared at what she had done she kept saying to herself, "I can’t believe that I actually defied mother!" Kily ran and ran, she ran five miles away to Johnny’s house. She really wasn’t sure what she was going to do when she got there, but, it was the only place she could think of to go.

Gasping for breath, a stitch in her side, Kily climbed the steps to Johnny’s house. She knocked on the door and tried to catch her breath while she waited for someone to answer. A noise caught Kily’s attention and she turned around to find mothers car pulling up to the curb. Selene climbed out of the front seat and headed toward Kily. Mother yelled at Kily to get into the car and at that moment Johnny opened the front door. Selene hurriedly explained to Johnny what was going on, and Johnny looked at Kily and said, " you have to go back home". Kily felt betrayed, the hoods at school never said anything about what you do after you walk out of the house! They never mentioned that you would have no place to go, or anyone to help you after the fact! Devastated, Kily slowly walked to mother’s car, opened the back door, and slumped onto the back seat.

Feeling betrayed by the kids at school, betrayed by Johnny who insisted she return home, betrayed by a life that seemed so unfair, Kily became very sullen. All she could think about was how badly she wanted to escape from this life that she knew. She wanted to go where she could be in charge of her life. Make her own decisions, right or wrong without anyone holding her hostage to their demands, or falsehoods.

Kily felt as if she could not trust anyone and longed to be free from people who thought she was too young to make decisions for herself. To her way of thinking, the decisions others had made for her up to this point hadn’t seemed much better.

Time seemed to move slowly for Kily. The days passed uneventfully. She went to school each day and returned home. When at school she felt as if she didn’t belong, and at home she did her chores and felt as if life were dull. She longed to be older so she could have the freedom to explore the world and become a part of the life everyone else was living.

Kily sat on the back steps of the house and stared out at the pasture. The horses grazed peacefully on the tender spring shoots of grass, swishing their tails and periodically shaking away the flies that buzzed around their heads. Kily wished she could move to a different place and begin a whole new life. She had asked mother about it several times but mother only said that things like that took money, and they didn’t have any money. "You’ll just have to make do with what you have here, Kily", mother had told her. But Kily didn’t want to be "here", she desperately wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere where she could be who she really was. Kily thought about mother telling her that it takes money to move. "I wonder if I could get a job", Kily thought to herself. "I know how to work and work hard" she said out loud. Her mind ran through scenarios of the different kinds of things she thought she might be able to do. She thought she might be able to offer to work taking care of horses but she didn’t know anyone with a ranch that she might ask for a job. Kily went through a list in her head about the types of things she knew how to do and tried to find something that she could use that would help her get a job and ultimately her freedom in life. After sometime Kily finally decided she could apply for a job as a dishwasher. She had been washing dishes her whole life and knew that she could do that very well. Now that she had found something that she knew how to do and do well, and it would earn her money Kily felt much better. With money she could rent her own place and live her own life with no one telling her what to do. Kily sat for a long time thinking about how to obtain a job and how she would accomplish her goal. There was a little shopping center only a few miles from her house, the shopping center had a small café and Kily decided that would be a perfect place to get a job as she could walk to work each day. Her plan seemed perfect and she resolved to go to the café on Saturday and speak to the owner.

The rest of the week Kily felt energized and happy. She had a plan. The plan would help her to change her life and with that change Kily could become in control of her own destiny. Mother noticed a change in Kily and asked her what had happened to make her so happy. Kily was so certain that her plan was a good one that she happily told mother, "I’m going to get on a job on Saturday". "What!" Mother exclaimed with extreme surprise. "I’m going to get a job on Saturday," Kily repeated, a little confused at mother’s reaction. "You need to come over here and sit down young lady," mother said matter of factly. Kily had not expected this reaction at all and immediately felt defensive. She felt her plan was a good one and now her was mother acting as if Kily had lost her mind.

"Just where do you think you are going to get this job?" mother said as she pointed to the chair for Kily to take a seat. Kily squared her shoulders, she felt her plan was perfect, she had thought it through completely and she found herself feeling angry that mother seemed about to take Kily’s chance to make her life better away from her. "I’m going to get a job at the café down by the shopping center," Kily said as she straightened her back and held her head proudly. "And what kind of work do you think you are going to do?" Mother said with a little sarcasm in her voice. Kily did not like the way mother was speaking and looking at her and she felt herself stiffen with anger and frustration. "I am going to wash dishes," Kily spat out with pride. Mother looked at Kily with astonishment, "And what makes you think they are going to hire you to wash dishes?" Mother said so matter of factly that Kily felt stunned. Kily thought about that question. She had never even considered why she wouldn’t be hired. "Well why wouldn’t they hire me?" Kily countered back. Mother sat back in her chair and looked at Kily. "Because you are only 14 years old Kily, that’s why," mother said. "No one is going to hire a fourteen year old". Kily felt the tears sting the back of her eyes. Why was mother trying to take her hopes away? Why did everything have to be such a battle in life. Why couldn’t she have her hopes? Why couldn’t she have something that would make her life better? Kily glared back at mother and said, " I will be fifteen in November and they will hire me because I will be a good worker and it doesn’t matter what age I am, I can wash dishes as well as anybody else". Mother sat back in her chair and sighed, "Okay Kily, let’s assume that by some miracle you get hired to wash dishes, how do you plan to get to work and home everyday?" Kily sat forward and said with confidence, "I will walk to work everyday and walk home. I can do this on my own and nobody has to help". Mother nodded her head then said, "And what about in the winter time when its raining and snowing". "I will still walk to work," Kily spat out. "You are too young Kily," mother said matter of factly. Kily felt the tears that had been stinging the backs of her eyes flow to the front and threaten to spill over the edges of her eye lids. "I’m going to get a job and you can’t stop me," she yelled out. "Then I’m going to take my pay checks and get my own place, and live my own life, and have friends, and make my own decisions," Kily yelled. "O no you won’t Kily," mother yelled back. "You are too young and have no idea what life is about. You are not old enough to make those kinds of decisions". The argument continued for an hour before mother finally sent Kily to her room. Kily slammed the door and mother immediately opened it, "As of now you are grounded young lady," mother said in barely controlled anger of her own. "You will not be going anywhere except to school, and under no circumstances will you be going down to the café to ask for a job". Mother left the doorway and Kily threw herself on the bed in tears.

Spring was coming to an end soon and then summer would arrive with its intense heat. Kily sat on her bed talking to Freckles. "Only two more days and then we can go outside and run in the pasture again," Kily told him. Freckles rolled onto his back and stared up at her. "Thank you for being grounded with me," Kily told him as she rubbed his belly. Kily rolled onto her back to and thought about how hot it was going to be once summer finally arrived. She didn’t like the heat at all and always found herself wishing for the cold crispness of winter. She turned back on her belly and tickled Freckles paw. "Remember how the snow makes everything look beautiful," she told him. Snow is like life, Kily thought, everything looks beautiful on the surface but underneath all the rutted roads, litter, broken items, and mud still existed. Thoughts of winter brought memories to her mind, "Remember how we make designs in the snow and share peanut butter and jelly sandwiches under the trees," she said with a chuckle. Freckles wagged his tail and sneezed. Kily sighed and laid her head next to his, "Some day we will be able to really go start our life, and then you and I won’t have to live life according to what someone else makes it. We will live life according to what we make it," she told him. Freckles listened intently then softly laid his head down next to hers when he noticed she had finally fallen asleep.

Several weeks later summer arrived with the full force of blasting heat. In the cool early morning hours Kily and Selene would saddle up the horses and ride all the way to town. They always made their way to the park where Johnny would meet Selene and the two of them wandered away hand in hand with Selene’s horse following dutifully behind.

Kily sat by the small creek that ran through the park listening to the water as it bubbled over rocks. Periodically someone with a small child would come by and ask if Kily would let the child have a ride. Kily always obliged them. She would climb up in the saddle and have the parent hand the child up to her. Kily held the child in her lap and walked the horse around the perimeter of the playground area while the child clapped hands together and made high pitched squeals of delight. Each time Kily returned with the child, the parent took the child from her lap and handed Kily a quarter. Most days Kily saved her quarters and added them to the old mayonnaise jar hidden under her bed. Johnny and Selene knew that Kily made little bits of money though and would often convince her to purchase ice cream cones from the stand across the road from the park. On those days Kily would buy ice cream for Johnny, Selene, and herself, and then buy an extra cone for each horse. The three of them would stand beside the road eating the creamy cones while Kily and Selene each held a cone out for the horses to lick and often Kily balanced the reigns to her mare in one hand while she held the remains of her cone down for Freckles to finish off. This always created crowds that stopped to watch the ice cream eating horses and Kily and Selene had their pictures taken by many tourists and some locals as well.

The summer was quickly passing and Kily sat on the park bench watching toddlers play in the sand box or squeal in delight as they glided down the slide into the waiting arms of mothers. She was hoping that one of the mother’s would bring a child over for a ride when a voice came from behind her. " You are incredibly beautiful!" Kily jumped at the sudden intrusion into her thoughts. She quickly turned and saw that a young man had taken a seat next to her on the bench. "Wha.. what," Kily stammered out. "You are the most beautiful girl in the park," the young man said again. Kily stared at him, she was speechless. The deep tan he had acquired through the summer made his shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes striking in contrast, and his muscular build rippled beneath the damp tank top he was wearing. "Nice horse too," he said with a wide smile. Kily glanced at her horse and said, "yes, she’s one of my best friends". "O," he said, "and who are your other best friends?" Kily laughed and said, "Well, my other best friend is Freckles, my little Australian Shepherd over there". Hearing his name Freckles left the shade of the tree he was laying under and excitedly jumped into Kily’s lap. "Name’s Jacob," he smiled and held out his hand. Kily smiled back and shook his outstretched hand. Jacob continued to stare at Kily with an expectant grin on his face, and when Kily said nothing Jacob motioned with his hands as if trying to draw something out of Kily, "and," he said widening his grin. "What?" Kily asked innocently. Jacob gave out a hearty laugh and said, "and you are?" Kily was embarrassed that she hadn’t thought to give him her name as well, and shyly said "um Kily". The two sat for the next several hours talking about everything and yet nothing. Kily learned that Jacob was eighteen, lived in Portland and was visiting friends in Ashland for the summer. She liked his constant grin, easy demeanor, and she most especially liked his handsome features. Late in the afternoon Jacob had to go, and asked Kily for her telephone number. At first Kily was reluctant to give him her number then thought what the heck, step father isn’t around anymore, and Selene gets to have Johnny call her, so a little out of defiance and a little out of excitement Kily wrote her telephone number down on Jacob’s hand and the two parted with Jacob promising to give her a call.

The weeks of summer were flying by to quickly and Kily found that she eagerly looked forward to getting up each morning to bring her mare up from the pasture, saddle her up, and head for the park. Freckles was always excited to jump into Kily’s lap and share the ride to town. Jacob and Kily spent hours walking through the park or sitting on benches talking and laughing. On the last morning of the summer Kily rose with the early morning sun, hurried out to the small tack room behind the house and filled a bucket with several hands of grain. Kily was happy as she walked to the back of the 20 acre pasture. She was busy thinking about how nice it was that she had met Jacob. She liked the way he made her laugh and he made her feel pretty too. Sometimes Kily felt uncomfortable when he told her she was beautiful because she didn’t think she was pretty at all, and she wasn’t sure if he was teasing her or not. The grain bucket made soft clanking noises against Kily’s hip as she walked and the tall grass swished against her jeans. Every now and then a tall weed would catch at the trailing bridal reigns Kily had thrown over her shoulder and pull them down a few more inches. The branch of a tall star thistle caught one reign and snagged it tight as Kily walked by. Her forward movement came up against the pull on the reign and Kily found herself jerked suddenly backward. For a moment Kily thought it was Freckles playing tricks with her and she turned around to scold him. To Kily’s surprise it wasn’t Freckles but the stubborn star thistle branch. Kily stood for a moment and looked around. She didn’t see Freckles anywhere. "Freckles, here boy," she called. Kily looked in all directions of the pasture and didn’t see him anywhere. She stood still looking in all directions waiting to see his bouncing little body popping up through the tall grass as he ran at full speed toward her. "Freckles," she called again, but still she saw nothing moving except the gentle sway of the blades of grass as the morning breeze moved across the land. Kily’s mind frantically raced trying to remember if she had seen her faithful companion and best friend when she got up this morning. He was always there beside her every morning prancing and dancing as he wove in and out of her walking legs. She didn’t remember him doing that this morning. But surely he must have because he did it every morning. "Freckles," Kily called again with a tone of panic in her voice. She held her breath as she slowly turned in the pasture. Birds chirped in the distance, the grass danced in the breeze, but Freckles did not come. Kily spent two hours walking up and down the pasture calling Freckles name. She walked up the hill into the trees and called his name over and over, but still there was no sign of him. Kily walked back down into the open pasture and the mare came trotting up to her. The mare was accustomed to Kily chasing her around the pasture each morning while she played hard to get and when the mare finally decided Kily had worn herself out sufficiently to appreciate her, she would give a look of satisfaction and stop to let Kily catch her. She would then allow Kily to claim victory over her great capture while the mare stood munching on the grain in the bucket. This morning however, Kily had not chased the mare around the pasture, instead Kily had ignored the mare and had walked in all directions except the one that the mare was in. Confused, the mare trotted up to Kily and demanded her grain by bumping the bucket with her nose. Kily was still worried about the absence of Freckles and held out the bucket absent mindedly for the mare to eat while she kept her eyes on the tall grass of the pasture.

Kily finally put the rope around the mares neck and walked her down to the back of the house with hope in her voice she called Freckles name again. She could not remember a time when the little dog had failed to respond to her voice and she felt the threat of tears well up behind her eyes. She busied herself with brushing the mare and combing her mane hoping that her little friend would suddenly appear by her side out of breath from chasing some small animal and dance at her knees for failing to be at her side this sunny morning.

Kily took her time with grooming the mare then saddled her up. She looked all around and called for Freckles again. With a heavy heart Kily put her foot in the stirrup and slid up into the saddle. Freckles should have been there hunching down ready to spring into her lap and Kily felt an emptiness inside at his absence. She turned the mare toward the drive way and headed down the road. She had spent so long looking for Freckles that she was now going to be late meeting Jacob in the park.

"Hey, where have you been?" Jacob said with a slight irritation in his voice. Kily slid from the saddle and stood next to her mare, "I can’t find my friend," she said sadly. "Your friend?" Jacob said confused. "Yes," she said, my friend, Freckles. Jacob burst into laughter "Oh, you mean your dog," he said. Kily looked at Jacob a little irritated, "Yes," she said, "I told you he was my best friend, he wasn’t around this morning and I was trying to find him". Jacob snorted loudly and said, "You mean you kept me standing here waiting on you over a dog?" Kily looked away so he wouldn’t see her tears. Jacob stepped forward and took her hand, "Aw, come on, its okay, he’s probably just off chasing gophers or something, and when you get home the mutt will probably be laying in the shade taking a nap". Kily turned to face him and thought Jacob might be right. Freckles had probably gone off chasing an animal and would come home only to find that he had missed his ride to town with her. Kily held onto that thought and spent the rest of the day talking with Jacob and giving rides to small children that begged their mom’s for rides on the horsey.

Kily returned home that day with hope in her heart that Freckles would run out to greet her, but he did not. Kily stayed out until after dark walking the pasture calling for her friend but he did not come. "Don’t worry Kily," mother told her, "He will show up". Kily sat at the table poking her dinner around on her plate. "But he always comes when I call him," she said sadly. "What if he’s hurt or stuck somewhere and needs my help," she said with a shaky voice. "Don’t be silly Kily," mother said a little impatiently, "He’ll show up when he’s ready to come home". Kily sat silently poking at her dinner until finally mother said she could be excused from the table.

The days passed, school started, and still Freckles had not come home. Kily worried every day, and each day she walked the pasture hoping her little friend would come bounding out of the trees and jump into her arms. School changed Kily’s meetings with Jacob and now they spent time talking on the telephone instead of sitting in the warm sunshine of the park. Fall silently slid in and passed and the cold wind of winter began to blow across the land. On the days when mother would let her, Kily still walked the perimeter of the pasture calling her friend’s name and sometimes she cried in the silence of the woods where no one could see her.

Kily stared out the bus window and scoured the landscape for her little friend. Everyday she carefully watched along side roads, looked in ditches, tried to peer deep into each drive way the bus passed. "Freckles where are you," she whispered as she lay her hand on the cold window glass. Every day her heart hurt with longing to see his happy little face peering up at her. When she went to bed at night he was not there cuddled in the crook of her knees. When she went out to the pasture he did not come leaping across the field to dance at her feet, and she longed to hold his soft body against her chest. The bus made its way up the road to her house and Kily shuffled off the bus. The day was grey and gloomy and Kily knew the winter storms would come soon. The heavy clouds in the sky had just begun to let loose delicate sprinkles of rain as Kily walked toward the back door. The wind whipped her hair across her face with stinging slaps and she hunched her shoulders as she climbed the back steps. Kily had just entered the house and put her school books down when mother told her to take a seat at the table. "Kily I have something to tell you and I don’t want you to be too upset," mother said hesitantly, "What?" Kily said, wondering what had happened to make mother sound so strange. "I found Freckles today," mother said calmly. "Where?" Kily said as she suddenly stood up, "Where? Is he ok, where is he," Kily said almost pleadingly. "Sit down, Kily," mother said. Kily did as she was told, but only perched on the edge of the chair. "He’s passed away Kily," mother told her. Tears filled Kily’s eyes, she could not stop them, she could not hold them back, "How do you know?" Kily said in a voice that could only squeak out the words, "How do you know, mother? How can you be sure?" Kily pleaded. Mother looked at Kily with a look that said she was sure, "I found him Kily when I was out by the irrigation ditch at the far end of our property. I found his body on the other side of the fence on our neighbor’s property". Hearing these words broke Kily’s heart. He was her best friend, he had comforted her when she had been alone, and made her laugh when life had made her feel as if laughter did not exist. The tears streamed down Kily’s cheeks and sobs broke from her chest even though she willed them to stay hidden deep inside. "You will need to get a shovel, Kily and go bury him," she heard mother say. "How did you know to look on the neighbor’s property," Kily sobbed. "The neighbor was out closing up the ports from his portion of the irrigation ditch when I was out doing the same thing with ours. He helped me get ours done and when I went to help him that’s when we found your dog," mother explained. " The neighbor said it looked to him like someone shot Freckles, and asked that we dispose of his body as soon as possible". Kily could not speak, she nodded her head towards mother then slowly stood up and put on her coat. She went out to the tack room that held horse bridles, saddles, sacks of grain and winter hay. She picked up the shovel and began the long walk to the far end of the pasture. She made her way from habit more than from seeing, the tears in her eyes blinded her and she stumbled along in the cold blowing wind with a heart that was too heavy to bear.

Kily lay on her bed with swollen eyes. The words mother spoke had created such anguish in her and she could not turn them off in her mind. Those words had carried a message of loss that put pain in her heart and threatened to strangle her with sobs. She didn’t know how it was possible to have any tears left, but each time she thought she could not cry anymore the tears would begin to flow freely again. The telephone rang somewhere in the distance and mother called her name. Kily lay with her back to the bedroom door and didn’t move when mother came to tell her she had a phone call. Kily didn’t care that she had a phone call and lay very still, she could hear mother finally walk away from the doorway and heard her say something about Kily not feeling very well to the person on the phone. Kily knew it was probably Jacob but she couldn’t bring herself to talk to him, she knew she would have to tell him what was wrong and Kily knew she could not do that without sobbing.

"I’m gonna be leaving in a week," Jacob told Kily. Kily felt panicked. "What do you mean," she said trying to control her voice. "Well, I told you that I live up in Portland Kily, and I have been down here much longer than I was supposed to stay, I have to get back up to Portland". It had been barely a month since that cold grey day that Kily had gone to cover her little friend Freckles with the dark earth and say good bye forever. The days since then had seemed unbearable for Kily, and her daily talks with Jacob had been the only thing that Kily had to hold on to. Now he was speaking words to her that were going to take him away from her as well. "Don’t go," Kily pleaded. "Kily we’ve been over this already, that’s why I have stayed so long. I really need to get back home," Jacob told her. "Come with me, Kily," Jacob blurted out. "What! Oh no I couldn’t," Kily stammered. "Why not?" Jacob said matter of factly. Kily thought about that question, why couldn’t she? "I .. I don’t know," she stammered. "You don’t like it at home, you’ve said so a million times," Jacob reminded her. "Well, I would get into terrible trouble," Kily reasoned. "Well who is going to find you in Portland, Kily? You can stay with me at my parents house, you can meet my sister, it will be great," Jacob told her with enthusiasm. Kily’s heart was pounding, her mind was reeling, could she really do that? It was a great thought, she would be free to do as she wanted, live her life the way she wanted, experience things she had only read about and begin to really live. Jacob and Kily spent an hour on the telephone talking about the possibility. The more they talked the more Jacob convinced Kily that she should go with him. After they hung up Kily went to her room and thought about how wonderful it would be to really go away and be able to have her own life. Mother would be furious with her she knew, but she was tired of people being angry with her, she was tired of living with the fear of getting into trouble, and she felt as if there was no one left to understand her since Freckles was now gone.

Over the next few days Kily and Jacob made a plan for how they would leave. They decided that Kily would pack a small bag with a few clothes and one morning she would take the bus to school just as she always did, only instead of actually going into the school Kily would walk down the road to the freeway overpass and climb up the concrete sides to the space just under the road that ran overhead. She would sit there and wait for Jacob to come and pick her up. They rehearsed this plan several times over the phone and finally decided on the specific day that Kily would actually take the walk.

Kily had not been able to sleep at all the night before and now the sun was coming up bringing dawn to the surrounding mountains. Kily slipped out of bed and stared for a moment at Selene. She slept soundly and had no idea that this would be the last morning she would ride the bus to school with Kily. Kily had thought about telling Selene what she was going to do, but she knew that Selene would tell mother and Kily’s chances to finally start her own life would be shattered and gone. Kily quietly made her way to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and then put her tooth brush and hair brush into the pillow case she had chosen to carry her few belongings in. At first Kily had a difficult time trying to decide which clothes she should take but then thought it really didn’t matter because once she was up in Portland she would get a job and buy all new clothes. Kily shoved the items deeper into the pillow case and then gathered the ends of the pillow case to tie it off with a piece of twine she had cut from a bale of straw. With her bag secured Kily unlocked the bathroom door and stuck her head out to make sure that Selene and mother were both still sleeping. When she was sure that no one could see her, Kily crept from the bathroom and tip toed to the back door of the house. She and Jacob had decided that it wouldn’t look right for Kily to get on the school bus with a bag full of clothes, so the plan was that Kily would stash her bag as far down the road as she could and still be able to get back to the house in time to go to school as usual. Kily ran with her bag down the long road and she prayed that neither Selene nor mother would wake up and just happen to look out the window. She knew if they did they would be able to see her running down the road, pillow case bumping and swinging across her back.

Kily ran as fast as she could to the huge old Oak tree that stood guard over the fields and road. She and Selene had often used this tree as one of the half way markers for the long stretch of road that led up to the house. Kily climbed through the barb wire fence that stretched the length of the property next to the road and carefully hid her precious belongings in the roots of the old tree. When she was satisfied that they were well hidden, she made her way back to the fence, climbed through to the road and began to run again. When she reached the drive way to her house she slowed to a walk and held her side to keep the stitch she had developed from hurting more than it did. She walked around to the back of the house and entered the pasture. Her mare had been standing close to the gate and Kily put her arms around the mares neck. "I will miss you so much", she whispered. The mare bobbed her head up and down and gave a soft nicker. Kily buried her face in the mare’s mane and told her that Selene and mother would make sure she got her grain everyday, and how much Kily loved her. She tried to explain all the reasons she felt she had to leave but wasn’t sure that the mare could understand things that she could barely find words to express herself.

The back door opened and Kily heard mother calling her name. "Coming", Kily called back to mother. She quickly turned back to the mare and hugged her neck one more time, "I love you", Kily whispered. Then patted the mare gently and turned to walk away. "What are you doing out here?" mother yelled from the open doorway. Kily ran up the steps and quickly said, "I was just talking with the mare". Then she gingerly stepped past mother to head for her room. "Well you need to get ready for school young lady," mother said as she opened the cupboards to get out cereal for breakfast. "I know, I’m getting ready now," Kily yelled from the safety of her room.

Selene bustled around getting herself ready for school, Kily made herself appear busy, and mother hollered from the kitchen that they needed to come and eat some breakfast before the bus arrived. Kily was grateful when mother and Selene began to chatter about things that needed to be done for the day, and Kily grabbed up her books to go to the bus stop. "How come you beat me out here this morning?" Selene said as she walked up behind Kily. Kily shrugged and Selene slapped her on the back. The bus pulled up and stopped and both girls stepped onto the bus and headed for their usual seats at the back. They rode in silence all the way to the school and Kily wondered if the shaking of her hands and the pounding of her heart were noticeable.

The bus stopped in front of the school and Kily and Selene got off with the rest of the kids. Selene headed off to the hallway that led to her morning classes and Kily walked down the side walk to the end. She looked around to see if anyone was watching and instead of turning into the last hallway, Kily kept walking. She walked faster and faster as she got farther away from the school and finally broke into a run. She made her way to the freeway exit and climbed down the bank, onto the concrete that lined the pillars holding up the over pass and settled in under the girders. Kily was filled with fear. She sat huddled in a ball with her head on her knees and thought about the consequences of what she was doing. Her body shook and her palms were sweating. "What have I done?" she whispered to herself. She sat in silence and jumped when a truck drove over the road above her head. She had never known how loud the traffic was before, but then again she had never really heard it except from inside the car. The concrete and steel seemed to magnify the sounds of the truck as it drove on the road above her head, and the ground shook from the vibrations of the heavy vehicle placing stress on the man made bridge.

A car slowed and came to a stop under the over pass. The driver’s side door opened and Kily saw Jacob’s smiling face peer over the top of the car. "Come on down and get in the car," he beamed at her. Kily slid down the concrete covered side and jumped the last few steps to the road. Jacob’s head disappeared and then reappeared from inside the car. Kily smiled back at him and climbed in. "I didn’t know you had a car," she said with surprise. "I didn’t before," he said, "Just got it last night". Jacob turned the key and started the car. "Let’s go get your clothes," he said with excitement. Kily was very nervous as Jacob headed the car up the road that led to her house. She worried that mother might come driving down the road and see her. She gave Jacob instructions on where to stop so she could retrieve the pillow case, then quickly jumped out and climbed through the fence. She grab the bag and just as quickly made her way back to the car. Jacob put the car in gear and drove down the road with a loud whoop!