Chapter Twenty Six

A cool morning breeze blew Hawk’s hair across his face, birds chirped and sang their morning songs somewhere in the distance, and the morning felt alive while Hawk watched people heading in a variety of directions. Everyone seemed to have a mission of some sort, and Hawk watched them with absolute wonder. He stood at the far end of the main fairway. A long row of rapidly put together booths lined the right hand side all the way down, then made a neat turn and continued across the back for about fifty feet then turned into a long row on his right hand side. Along the left hand side was something called the House of Mirrors, then a House of Horrors, a Wonder of the Worlds, and finally Lover’s Lane. "What a combination," Hawk said impressively. The center was filled with open air booths which were lined up back to back to form a solid mass the full length of the fairway. Hawk stood next to the hot dog stand and marveled at the colorful bowls and glass wares, stuffed animals, decorations, and balloons. Everything seemed efficiently placed in all the right spots to make all who beheld it to walk down the wide isles with wonder at the sparkling, glittering, menagerie! "Now this is living," he thought to himself. "Well, I see you came back," the skinny man said as he walked up behind Hawk. Hawk turned to see the pipe clenched in the side of the man’s cheek, one eye squinted up just as it had been the last time he saw him. "Just like Popeye," he thought, then he grinned and said, "Yeah." The skinny old man scrutinized Hawk with his one open eye, "You ready to do some work now?" he asked. "Yeah," Hawk said rubbing his hands nervously on his grimy pants. "Well get yourself on over to the Ferris Wheel and give them boys a hand and when you’re done with that tell em I said to keep you busy," he said taking the pipe from between his teeth. Hawk thanked the old man and headed in the direction he had pointed with his pipe.

Hawk lifted the heavy canvas of the big tent then slipped inside. "Man this place is huge," he whistled between his teeth. His original idea had been to spend the night under the big top, but standing inside he was having second thoughts. The space was huge and empty. Hawk could actually hear his soft breathing echo under the dark empty canvas tent. Sure that sleeping in such a place would bring terrible nightmares, Hawk left the tent and headed back to the horse stables. He had worked hard all day getting several of the rides ready for the grand opening, and he liked most of the people he had met. The woman who ran the popcorn stand had kept him in a good supply of fresh popcorn and hot dogs loaded with mustard, but what he really needed now was a beer. Hawk had no idea where he could find a beer around this place so he had resigned himself to settling into the stables and getting some sleep. As he walked Hawk wondered just how far it might be to the nearest store and about how long it would take him to walk there, by a quart of beer and return. He was about half way to the stables when noises from behind a trailer caught his attention. With nothing better to do he turned in the direction of the voices and pleasantly discovered the crew he had worked with during the day. "Come have a seat," the tall lanky man they called Rubber said as he waved his arm and pointed to a pickle barrel next to him. "This place just got better" Hawk smiled brightly. "I’ll take a seat if I can have one of those beers you got in that tub," Hawk laughed out. "You can have anything you want sweety," a busty blonde said as she batted her blue eyes at him. Hawk took a seat, reached into the wash tub full of ice and pulled out a cold beer. He smiled at the busty blonde and she held out the pointed end of the metal bottle opener. "My kind of woman," Hawk said sincerely.

The blonde boldly pulled an empty crate up next to Hawk, "you from Mexico?" she asked coyly. Hawk tipped his bottle up and guzzled down half the contents, "Nope," he said irritated at the remark. "Well then, where are you from?" she said ignoring his irritation. "Montana," Hawk said glaring at her as if to defy her to call him a liar. "I didn’t know Mexican’s lived in Montana," she said blinking her eyes rapidly. Hawk stared at her as if she were from another planet, "what are you talking about?" he blurted out. The woman reached into the tub of ice, pulled out another bottle of beer and handed it to Hawk, "about you, silly," she said, "you’re the handsomest Mexican I’ve ever seen! But, I’ve never seen one with hair as long as yours before!" Hawk glared at her. "I’m not Mexican," he said coldly, "I’m Blackfoot!" "Oh," she said. The glaring anger she saw in his eyes startled her. "Um, what’s Blackfoot?" she said a little hesitantly. The other’s had been listening and now burst into laughter. Rubber slapped his knee and guffawed loudly, "He’s Injun," he managed to finally spit out. The woman looked a little confused for a moment, then finally said, "I’ve never met a real Indian before, you’re mighty handsome with those strong arms and big brown eyes." Hawk felt a little uncomfortable and took another long drink from his bottle.

Sitting in that circle of merry drinkers Hawk discovered the fascinating world of carnival life. First and most important, they all liked their beer just as much as he did. Second, there was just about as much of the white powder drug among the workers as there was out on the street. So he figured that made him instantly on equal ground with most of the people sitting in the little circle around the fire barrel! Third, they were all pretty much as homeless as he was! Most of them just traveled around with the carnival from town to town, sleeping in tents, or throwing sleeping bags out under one of the rides. A couple of them had small camp trailers, and if you were quick enough you could toss your sleeping bag underneath one of the camper trailers to keep the rain off you at night. If you weren’t quick enough the area under the trailer would fill up with other bodies staking out a claim for the night and you were left to find sleeping quarters somewhere else. These people shared pretty much everything, and just like the gangs out on the street, they did their best to take care of each other. As far as Hawk could see the only real difference between life on the street and life in the carnival was that no one here was as mean or tough as he and his gang family had been. This made Hawk some what of an instant hero in this new circle of friends, and he felt as if he had finally found his niche in life.

The carnival officially opened the next morning. Hawk followed Rubber and another man called Rhythm from ride to ride as they inspected the Ferris Wheel, the Hammer, and Cups and Saucer’s. Rhythm always seemed to be dancing his way through the rides, and when they had inspected the last ride, he danced his way over to the old man Hawk referred to as Popeye and declared the carnival ready. Popeye ordered everyone to their stations and within minutes the fairgrounds were swarming with crowds of people. Children ran up and down the fairway laughing and yelling. Men and women walked arm in arm, stopping to sneak kisses now and then, whole families moved through the main fairway laughing, their eyes full of excitement. "This is how a family truly is" Hawk thought as he surveyed the bustling activity of the carnival. Hawk stood among the crowd observing his surroundings. Everyone was full of happiness, and love. Fathers’ weren’t beating the kids, mothers’ didn’t act timid and afraid, children squealed with delight on the whirling twirling multitude of rides, and the rich smell of cotton candy, hot dogs, and popcorn wafted through the air. Hawk was so happy he declared he could stay in this place forever.

The barrel cracked and popped and hot coals flew through the air like angry fire flies. It was Hawk’s third night at the carnival. He had easily slipped into the routine of hanging out with the other’s each night when the carnival closed. He sipped his beer and listened to Rubber and Rhythm debate the most recent white man’s war. This new war was also across the great water, somewhere called Viet Nam. It seemed to Hawk that the white man was always traveling from one place to another fighting a war. From what he knew, they had traveled across the great waters to this land and warred with his people. Then they traveled back across the great waters and asked his people to go with them to fight somewhere else. From what little Hawk had learned they had actually done this several times, going back and forth. Now they were doing it again. "What’s your opinion?" Rubber asked interrupting Hawk’s thoughts. Hawk had been trying to count the number of times he knew that white man had crossed back and forth across the great waters to fight wars and wasn’t sure what Rubber was asking him. Rubber saw the confusion on Hawk’s face, "What’s your opinion on the war in Viet Nam?" Rubber said a little louder. "Don’t really have an opinion," Hawk slurred out, "the white man came, made war with my people, slaughtered thousands of us, killed the buffalo, exposed us to disease, took away our land, our way of life and everything we believed in. Then they took away our right to pray to creator, forced our children to go to Catholic school and learn about their God, forbid us to speak our language, and then left us to finish dying off. After many, many years, when our people were near extinction they remembered we were there and came to ask us to fight for them in another war. My father, uncles, and other men of our village went to fight because the white military men offered a great prize!" Rubber and Rhythm stared at Hawk in humble silence. The fire spit hot coals onto the ground and ice melted in the wash tub. "What was the great prize?" Rubber asked softly. Hawk took a sip from his bottle and spit on the ground as if his memory were a bitter pill, "Those who went to fight got to get white man’s names and the military men gave them certificates that said they were officially white," Hawk finished. Rubber and Rhythm stared at Hawk blankly. Rhythm blinked his eyes several times, "and?" he asked incredulously. "And what," Hawk said bitterly. "And, what was the great prize?" Rhythm asked with anticipation. Hawk held Rhythm’s gaze unblinkingly, "that was the great prize," he said with finality. Rubber sat back in his chair and tipped his baseball hat back on his head. "That’s it?" Rhythm said with astonishment. "That’s it," Hawk said and grabbed another beer from the wash tub. "When you have lost everything, your right to provide for your family, your right to protect your children, your right to pray for help, and everything you know has been taken away because of the color of your skin, you pretty much jump at the chance to be called a white man! And, that’s what many of the men did to keep our women and children from starving. So, you see I don’t really have an opinion. Not even sure I’m allowed to have an opinion," Hawk said sarcastically. Rubber and Rhythm were both silent for awhile. Each of them lost in the vivid picture Hawk had painted with his simple but direct words. After some time Rubber dropped his head and softly said, "I apologize for the way our country has treated your people Hawk. When I think about it, the European race does seem to have a history of making all the other cultures convert to their way of living, thinking, and believing. I do believe I have just learned to look at life a little bit different tonight." Rhythm nodded his head in agreement. The busty blonde appeared from the shadow’s and plopped down on the crate next to Hawk, "hi everybody, what’s up?" Her chirpy innocence broke the somber mood between the men. Hawk looked her in the eye and slurred, "the moon!" She giggled, "you’re always saying something so unexpected!" "Man ain’t that the truth," Rubber mumbled.

The blonde surveyed Hawk’s muscular body and brushed a strand of his long black hair away from his neck. She ran her fingers up his arm, and slid her hand down the muscles of his broad chest. Hawk had to admit he was attracted to her. His attraction confused him because it was different than he expected. He didn’t know why, but somehow there was something strangely familiar about being at the carnival sitting next to a blue eyed blonde girl that made him feel as if he was missing something. It was as if something that was supposed to happen just like this maybe, but not in this place and not with this girl. The light from the fire flickered across her face and just for a brief moment Hawk saw a glimpse of another carnival in a different place. He saw a blonde, blue eyed girl talking to an Indian man and he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. The image was so vivid , that for a moment Hawk actually thought he was sitting in that other place. "Holy shit," Hawk thought and jumped up. He looked about him in a moment of confusion. "What was that?" he stammered out. The blonde sitting next to him seemed resentful at his reaction to her touch, "Geez, all you have to do is say you’re not interested," she said! "You don’t have to spaz out about it!" Hawk looked down at her. "What WAS that?" he exclaimed! "I just saw something, like I was somewhere else." The blonde looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Hawk took a long swig on his beer and looked down at her again. The carnival and blonde he had just seen in his mind was different than this place, or this girl. The one he saw in his mind made his heart race, and his blood run hot. The girl sitting in front of him had a pout on her face, and Hawk thought maybe he was losing his mind. He drank more beer and shook his head. His black hair flew about his head and he took another look at the blonde sitting next him. "Must have been too much booze and drugs," he thought, and finally sat back down next to the girl. "What the hell," he said, "she obviously wants me, maybe what I just saw meant I should take her up on her flirting." He gave her a long hard look, put the bottle to his lips, and with resignation slid his free arm around her shoulders.

The girl didn’t know what Hawk’s problem was, but whatever it was, she didn’t appreciate being slighted like that. "What’s the matter with you?" she asked with obvious irritation. Hawk drew her close, smiled his best smile and said, "Nothing, I just realized how pretty you are." Looking up into his handsome face, the girl searched the depth of his brown eyes. "God, he was gorgeous," she thought. Now that she had his attention, Gloria was hopeful that she and Hawk would become an item. Not sure of what his future plans were Gloria asked, "What are you gonna do in a month when the carnival moves on?" "Moves on," Hawk said with surprise, "what do you mean moves on? Does it go somewhere from here?" "Of course, silly," the girl told him. "It moves all the time, going from town to town." Hawk hadn’t thought of this. He had been thinking this was the life for him, this is what he had been searching for, a place to belong, a place to call home. He was stunned to think that it was only going to last for another few weeks! Hawk turned toward the girl, "where does it go from here?" "Oh, different towns. It will travel over toward San Francisco hitting all the cities and towns on the way, make a loop head south for a hundred miles or so, then make the loop back up this way again." she explained. Hawk thought about it for a minute, then said, "well, I’ll just go along and make the loop too!" The girl smiled up at him, snuggled deeper into his arm, and said, "Good! Then we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other!"

Hawk spent his days working along side Rhythm and soon discovered how Rubber got his name. "Damn, you can sure bend your long thin body into some weird positions," Hawk said with a look of amazement on his face. Rubber gave him a wide smile and said in his slow drawl, "that’s how I come by my name!" The three of them had been doing routine maintenance on a ride called the Hammer and Hawk had watched in utter amazement as Rubber bent his six-foot six frame into a contorted figure eight as he crawled in and out of the main frame housing the pods that would spin wildly when the long arm lifted and dropped them to the ground. Rubber had managed to get into the tightest spots to inspect even the smallest spaces for stress cracks and possible loose bolts. It was truly amazing to try and figure out if you were looking at his leg, foot, or face, while he worked, because they all seemed to be occupying the same small space at the same time.

Over the next few weeks the three men became good friends. They worked well as a team, and soon all the other men were asking for their help in repairs, inspections, and maintaining other rides and exhibits. Rubber and Rhythm also soon learned about Hawk’s backwards ways, and they too took turns being amazed at how Hawk could do exactly the opposite of what was supposed to be done, and it came out better than if he had done it the correct way to begin with. "Damn," Rhythm told Hawk with exasperation, "I just don’t get how you can do that! I mean it’s not like you try to do things backwards, it just seems to come as natural to you as breathing air." Hawk beamed at him, "it’s not me that’s backwards," he declared, "it’s the rest of you guys that are backwards." The days passed happily for Hawk and he found himself the center of attention by most of the carnival workers. It seemed he was always doing something that made everyone walk away scratching their heads! If he was supposed to stay away from something, the one sure place you would find him was right in the middle of it. Hawk had taken to calling the big boss Skinny, and before long everyone else had picked up the name too! If Skinny told Hawk to check out the tea cup ride, you’d most likely find him doing some repair or maintenance on the bumper cars, and darned if it didn’t turn out that some very important part or piece was just about to give way. Hawks’ instinct to stop and repair that ride actually prevented a potentially devastating accident that was just waiting to happen. Once Skinny told Hawk to stay away from the Hammer ride. "It’s got a problem we can’t figure out, and I’ll be testing it later to see if she’s fit for running," Skinny had told him. "I don’t want you messin around with that thing and gettin hurt!" Hawk did his usual nod of the head and walked off. Not long after, Skinny happened to be walking by and saw Hawk sitting inside one of the cages. "God Damn it!" He yelled. "Hawk, get your ass down here now!" He watched as Hawk nodded his head, and climbed out of the cage. "Well I’ll be," Skinny exclaimed, and stuck his pipe on the opposite side of his mouth as Hawk stepped out of the cage carrying a young boy. "What the hell is that kid doin in there?" Skinny asked. "He’s a runaway," Hawk told him. "He says he’s been hiding out in there for two days. Doesn’t want to go home." "Jesus!" Skinny shouted, "if he had been in there when we did the test run and that thing let loose he could have been killed!" After that, Skinny stopped telling Hawk what to do. Things just seemed to work out better when you let Hawk wander and do his own thing.