Chapter Three

Shadow knew the paths behind the rows of shops well. Once he had defied all the warnings of his elder’s and bravely walked upon the wooden slats the white man called boardwalks’ that ran along the front of their stores. He hadn’t gone far when a man grabbed him by the back of his buckskin shirt and dragged him to the front of one of the shops. Shadow watched the man’s eyes dart about to see who was looking. Other white men stepped in their direction and now the white man’s words combined with bravery. With other white men to assure that Shadow could not do harm to this man, he spoke his words with venom. Holding Shadow’s hair in his hands and pushing his face hard toward the board, the white man read the words written on it. "No-Indians-Allowed," the white man had said loudly in Shadow’s ear. The white man read the words several more times speaking louder each time as he pointed to the board with writing on it. Then he tapped hard on the top of Shadow’s head with his finger, as if he thought his finger would poke the words into his head. The white man put his pale face up close to Shadow’s eyes, then said, "Understand?" Shadow could smell the foul breath of the man. The stink of stale sweat on his clothes and the alcohol on his breath made Shadow gag. With the white man’s face close to his, Shadow watched the eyes quickly dart about searching for encouragement and approval from the increasing crowd. Then Shadow heard his father’s words walk across his mind. "Erase yourself from the presence of these men, my son. Do not feed their anger with your own. Starve their anger out of them, it grows weaker if they have nothing to provide the fuel." Shadow’s anger had been great that day! He had to ask spirit to take away his anger to avoid beating this man. The other white men who had gathered around were laughing while the white man holding Shadow’s hair kept poking his finger in the top of his head. Shadow gritted his teeth to suppress his anger. He moved his thoughts to spirit and showed no emotion. Father had been right. With nothing to feed the white man’s anger he soon wore himself out. Pushing Shadow’s face hard to the ground, he snarled in his ear with panting breath, "worthless goddamn injuns." The man caught his breath, then stood up, kicked Shadow in the side and turned to the crowd. "C’mon fellas," he bellowed out, "let’s go have a beer." Shadow laid very still until all the white men paraded off, slapping each other on the back, congratulating each other on how brave they were. When he could no longer hear their voices he crawled to his knees then to his feet. "Thank you great spirit for showing me the way to hold my anger," he said under his breath. Shadow made his way to the alley, weaving his way through the filth and out of town. Shadow knew that there would come a time when he would not be able to control the rage in his soul. After that day Shadow only went into the white man’s town when there was no other way to get food for his family. On those days he was careful to keep to the back of the food places, standing in the foul alleys amongst the filth, waiting in line with others’ of his tribe for the meager supplies they could beg from the back of the shop owners.

Shadow noticed Tekumsila’s efforts to keep up and brought his thoughts back to this day. Remembering these same steps out of town from that bitter day was not good for his heart or his mind. "Spirit has been good to me this day," the old man said as he wheezed along behind Shadow. Carrying Hawk, Shadow turned to look at the old man. His face was pale, and the wheezing from his chest was louder now. When they reached the edge of the town, Shadow turned into the trees and put Hawk down to walk beside him. Slowing his pace for the child

enabled Shadow to provide an honorable way for Tekumsila to keep up. They walked along in silence for some time. Hawk ran along the path hiding behind trees then jumping out to surprise his father and the old man as they walked along. Hawk raced ahead imagining he was a great hunter, threw sticks through the air as if they were magical spears and pretended he brought down fat game to bring home proudly to his family. Shadow watched his son practice hunting techniques he had taught him this last summer and grinned widely at Hawk’s imagined successes. Hawk proudly stood atop fallen trees and claimed his victories.

"My people have been hungry a long time," Tekumsila spoke. Shadow glanced over at him, "Mine also," he almost whispered. They walked along in silence for some ways more and Tekumsila spoke with a breathless wheeze. "Some of our warriors have left the reservation land given to us by the white’s. They have gone in search of the white man’s dreams. They think they can become like the whites if they cut their hair, put on fancy clothes, then drink the white man’s fire water," he paused to catch his breath and continued, "our women and children no longer have hides to tan, tipi’s to mend, or meat to smoke for the coming winters. Now they stand in the long lines in the white man’s towns for meager food. The women have taken to cooking and cleaning for the white women of the town’s and our young work all day cutting grass and planting flowers in neat little rows. Our men have nothing to do now so they sit all day and watch the women and children work and bring home food. These are things that the men used to do with pride, now they feel useless and wait for the women to provide. It is too much for most, so they run off to the big cities with craziness in their heads thinking all things will be right if they become like the white’s." Shadow nodded his head, "It is the same with our people. I also left for a short time. I did not go to the big cities, but went instead to find where the four legged’s hid themselves, where the wind blows free, the soil of the earth is rich, and a warrior could once again stand tall for his people. I was gone many days and traveled far. I came across many of the big cities and watched from the distant hills at the ant like movements of the white’s. I saw them cutting down whole forests, and watched the iron horse they use to carry whole forests away in only a few days. Their movements have no rhythm, no naturalness, and everything in their path is changed forever. Some of those villages stretched from where the sun comes up all the way to where the sun goes down." Shadow kept his gaze to the ground and winced as he remembered how defeated he felt when he made the long walk back to his people. He had no hope to give them. It was the old man’s turn to nod his head, "I have seen this also." Tekumsila stopped near an ancient Oak tree reached out his arm to steady himself and said, "Would it be all right for an old man to rest his bones for a short time?" Hawk had just run back to his father waving a long fir branch. He smiled up at the old man and nodded his head in childish agreement just as he collapsed against the tree himself. Shadow smiled as he saw the respect in Tekumsila’s eyes for his son. "Come, sit here with me," Tekumsila said to Hawk. " I will tell you of the old days." Hawk looked up at his father and hesitantly squatted on the ground next to Tekumsila. Shadow took a seat in the soft leaves at the base of the tree as well and they listened quietly as Tekumsila spoke.

When I was a young boy, I was a strong warrior. I was a great hunter also. There were many elk, deer, and buffalo and Mother Earth blessed us with much food, sage, and sweet grass. The rivers were full of fish, and a young man could stay out all day without ever seeing the fences of the white man. There was much respect in those times. Respect for each other. Respect for the earth. Respect for all the creatures who walked upon our mother’s back. There was a balance to the land and the spirit. Our elders spoke to the children and told good stories about how we came to be. They spoke of the spirit of the land and taught us how to live with this balance and honor spirit. Each day was a lesson in life, we combined our teachings from spirit with everything we did, and each step we took on the back of our mother the earth. Hawk stared at Tekumsila as he spoke, he imagined that he also was living in those times and his child’s mind saw himself as a proud warrior. Tekumsila smiled down at the chid and continued, "we did not just learn a thing, then boast about how much we knew. We lived each thing we learned for life, and found respect and amazement in our lessons when we did not listen. Sometimes myself and the other young warriors would forget the lessons we had learned and then spirit would need to come along and remind us of what we had forgotten. Sometimes the lesson would be hard. Those lessons we rarely forgot. One day my friends and I rode through the plains on our war ponies. Our hair flowed free in the wind and the sun warmed our skin. We hunted the way our fathers had taught us to do, and we were sure we would be forever known as great hunters and our people would speak our names most proudly. Swiftly through the tall grass we rode. Our ponies hoofs beat across the earth as if they were magical drum beats and we made the war cry loud and long as we went. We were so full of ourselves that we forgot many things our fathers had taught us. We forgot to give an offering to the spirits and go in a humble way, quietly being guided, to the ones who would give their lives so that our people could live. We made so much noise, and went so fast, we warned all in our path and they made their escape from us easily. We rode all day, and finally, we turned our exhausted ponies to home. I learned much about humbleness on the long ride home. So did the others. When we came upon the river not far from our homes, we lay in the tall grass letting our ponies drink from the cool water. The voices of our women floated to my ears, and I spread the tall grass with my hands to see them. I watched as the women gathered sage on the other side of the river for our sweat lodges. I forgot my exhaustion when my eyes fell upon one of the young women. The sun glistened off her long soft hair, and creator blessed me with a cool wind that brought the sweet smell of her to my nose. I had seen her many times before, but was never brave enough to approach her. On this day though, I could watch her with my heart upon my sleeve for as long as I wanted, because she did not know that I was hidden in the grass. The other young warriors began to tease me and I feared they would call attention to where I sat. So I moved farther down the river to watch her better. My eyes followed her along her path on the other side as she swayed through the sage, stopping to gather some from each plant. After some time passed, she put her basket down and walked to the river. I watched as she hiked up her buckskins and waded out to let the cool water swirl around her thighs. She did not know that I watched. Her beauty was so strong that I could not hide among the tall grass any longer. I did not want to scare her, so I crept along the edge of the water and came up from the far side. I acted as if I just happened to be passing by and waved at her. She rewarded me with her perfect smile and waved her hand at me. My heart was racing, and I was proud to stand before her waving back. We were so full of each other’s eyes that we did not see the great bear fishing not so far away. But, the bear saw us! With a great roar the bear charged my beautiful woman and my heart became fearful. I did not have time to run to her, but I did have my arrows. I put an arrow right through brother bear’s heart on that day and he fell at her feet. She was so grateful she gave me a kiss. That night I gave to her father the hide of brother bear and half the meat. Then I asked permission for his daughter. "Do you know what happened then little warrior?" Hawk stared wide eyed at the old man and shook his head, no. "Well, of course I married her," said the old man laughing loudly! Hawk giggled and snuggled into his father’s arms. Shadow smiled down at his son then looked at the old man. "We should go now," he said. The old man wearily got to his feet, steadied himself against the tall Oak and followed Shadow and the boy.

The three climbed to the top of the small hill, then stood looking at the equally small valley below. Tekumsila saw scattered wooden shacks with smoke rising out of crude chimneys, children playing with a stone, and several old women sitting on the cold ground. "We live here," Shadow said matter of factly. He stared down at the pitiful sight of his village and remembered when rows of Tipis had filled this valley and children had run through the camp chasing one another as they laughed with delight. Now wooden shacks with great gaps between the slatted wall boards littered a small portion of the valley. The white man houses that his people now lived in let in the cold, and wind blew so strong through the gaps it sometimes blew out their candles. Before Shadow’s mind had weakened from defeat, he had vowed to hunt and gather enough hides to make a proper home for his family. It would be a strong Tipi, made in the natural shape of the earth, as a circle at the bottom to represent the hoop of life. The hides would keep it warm and the cold wind would pass over them, instead of through them. When he had returned from his search across the land, he had returned with no hope for his people or their future. It was as if a piece of his mind had gone to sleep. He no longer dreamed those dreams. He no longer felt the strength of his will.