Chapter Forty One

Kily and Jacob were married on a cold windy evening in late October. Kily waited nervously in the bedroom of mother’s friends home while Jacob’s family and a scattered few of mother’s friends took seats in the living room for the small ceremony. Kily looked in the mirror and wondered if she were doing the right thing. Memories of her relationship with Jacob while she had been a runaway kept darting across her mind and she had to keep telling herself that he was different now. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I can do this," she said to herself. Without warning she heard the soft man’s voice come from behind her once again, "I will find you," he whispered, and strong loving arms embraced her once more. Kily longed to get lost in his embrace even though he did not exist physically in the room. The door opened and voices from the other room brought Kily out of the magical embrace, her eyes flew open and she saw mother standing before her. "Are you ready?" Kily shook her head yes, but her heart screamed out no. Kily walked down the small isle and moved through the ceremony in a daze, a small reception followed the ceremony and after several hours Jacob and Kily finally left the home to being their life as husband and wife.

The headlights shown on the inky pavement as Jacob drove through the night. "You haven’t said where we are going Jacob, is it a surprise?" Kily asked nervously. Jacob kept his eyes on the road and said simply, "to my grandmothers house." Kily had been nervously thinking about their wedding night and her first time with Jacob, she was stunned when he told her they would be spending their first night as husband and wife in his grandmother’s home. This was not how she had envisioned her first time with him. "Jacob, my mother gave me money that her friends all collected so that we could get a hotel room tonight for our honeymoon. Maybe we could find a nice room somewhere instead." Kily said nervously. "What!" Jacob demanded. "You have money Kily?" "Yes" Kily said a little worried. "My mother gave it to me. Kily felt the car slow as Jacob turned to quickly face her, "Give me the money Kily, you should know better than to keep money from me," Jacob told her in a deliberate tone. Kily hesitated as she tried to digest his meaning and his tone. Kily’s mind raced, she had not anticipated such a tone or action from him on their wedding night, and she was momentarily stunned. Jacob had returned his gaze to the road and when she hesitated he abruptly pulled to the car to the side of the road causing Kily to brace herself to keep from hitting the dashboard. "Give me the money now Kily", he demanded as the car came to a stop. Kily moved the flowing folds of material that made up her wedding gown, found her purse and pulled out the hundred dollars that had been given as a gift from the guests at the wedding. She handed it to Jacob and he snatched it from her hand. Maybe he is going to use it to surprise me with a room of our own for tonight she reasoned with herself. Jacob took the money and smugly said, "Don’t ever do that again Kily, I’m your husband and I’m the one that handles the money not you. Next time you better make sure you give me the money right away and not hide it from me." He looked away from her, put the car in gear and began driving again. "I wasn’t trying to hide it from you Jacob," Kily tried to explain. "Mother gave it to me as we were walking out the door, I just didn’t have a chance to say anything yet, is all." "Ya sure, don’t lie to me Kily, you know you were hiding it." Kily felt tears well in her eyes, she knew there was no use in trying to convince him that he wrong. She sat in the seat quietly and thought it didn’t really matter because he had the money now and she was sure he would use it to get a room for them for their first night together.

Kily sat quietly looking out the car window. Headlights from passing cars lit up the sides of the road and Kily watched as Jacob drove past motels without any sign of stopping. After an hour he took an exit to a small town and drove through the streets until he finally stopped in the drive way of an old run down house. He opened the car door and stepped out, "Come on Kily, what are you waiting for?" Kily opened her own door and stepped out into the dark night. "Where are we?" She asked. Jacob turned to walk through the over grown yard, "I told you Kily, my grandmother’s house." "Oh," Kily said as her heart sank. She stumbled through the over grown vines and weeds that tugged at her wedding dress as she moved and finally made her way to rickety porch. Headlights entered the dirt driveway behind her and Kily saw that Jacob’s relatives were arriving as well. Jacob opened the door and stepped in, Kily nervously followed. The room she entered was tightly cluttered with stacks of old magazines, mismatched furniture that sat at odd angles in the room with boxes stacked against walls. Kily turned as voices from behind her told her that other people were coming into the house. A man and woman were arguing, someone carried in a small sleeping child, and several others came in complaining how tired they were. Jacob stopped long enough to introduce cousins, aunts, and numerous other relatives that Kily recognized from the wedding, and finally his grandmother. "We’re staying here tonight," Jacob stated as if he dared anyone to disagree with him. The woman who had come in arguing with the man said she didn’t care what Jacob did as long as he had no plans to take their bed on the hide-a-bed sofa that she stood next to. Another cousin commented that Jacob wasn’t taking his spot on the hide-a-bed sofa on the other side of the room either. Jacob turned to Kily, "take all that crap off the sofa at the back of the room and make that sofa up for our bed I’m tired." Kily stood in her wedding gown looking around the cluttered people filled room. The man who carried in the sleeping child stood rocking the child while the woman took cushions off of the sofa next to them and began making it into their bed. The argumentative woman instructed the man she was with to make out their sofa while she began to undress in front of everyone. Kily averted her eyes in embarrassment and turned her attention to the sofa buried under piles of magazines, heavy boxes, old clothes and miscellaneous shoes. "Hurry up Kily, I’m tired." Jacob demanded. Kily bit her lower lip and tried to hold back tears. This was not how she envisioned her wedding night and she wondered how she would gather the strength to climb into bed next to Jacob in the presence of all these people.

It took Kily an hour to remove the boxes, clothing, magazines, and other items from the sofa, and clear a path for her to be able to pull the bed out of it and make it up. She stood looking around at the others already in their beds around the room and was terrified at the thought of getting undressed in front of them. "Is there a bathroom that I can go change in Jacob?" she asked nervously. Jacob snorted and began to undress. "It’s around the corner in the kitchen," he said as if he thought her question ridiculous. Kily picked up her suitcase and turned toward the kitchen. In the bathroom she was shocked to see that her hair was in disarray and she had dirt smudges on her face. She looked down at her wedding gown and saw dirt marks across the front of it as well from moving the boxes and dusty magazines. Her hands shook as she changed into her night gown and pulled pins from her once styled hair. She smoothed the long curls with her fingers and tried to make it look at least tamed. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, and finally took a deep breath as she put her hand on the door knob to make her way to the bed she would share with Jacob. "Please let the lights be out, please let the lights be out," she whispered to herself. She opened the bathroom door and let out a sigh of relief, the lights had been turned off. She made her way carefully around stacks of items on the floor and found the edge of the hide-a-bed sofa. She heard soft talking coming from the side of the room, and prayed that Jacob had no intention of consummating their wedding night in the presence of all these other people.

Kily slid into bed very quietly and lay very still. "What are you doing way over there?" Jacob said exasperated. Kily didn’t know how to answer him so she said nothing. "Come over here," Jacob said with irritation. Kily shook with and silently begged him not to touch her here in this room with so many people around. Jacob grabbed her arm and pulled her over to him. He rolled on top of her and she felt as if she could not breathe under the weight of him. She felt pain as he entered her and a few minutes later he rolled away from her turned his back and fell asleep. Somewhere on one of the distant sofa’s a man’s voice made a comment about creaking springs and several people laughed. Those words solidified Kily’s shame and she cried silently into the night.

 Copyright 2006